Transplantation (A strange tale in)
by FireballX301
Summary: I insert myself into the Ranmaverse, but in a very strange way...but still, the title should push you to read this, right? R&R please. Haha! The 4th chapter is done! I am SERIOUSLY deviating from my general scheme, but so what?
1. Prologue

(Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Ranma ½, etc. etc. All characters are copyright of their respective owners)  
  
  
  
Author's Note: I do NOT use any Japanese to speak of, as mishmashing English and Japanese together creates a horrifying mess to the reader, who has to decipher the story. The only exception is -chan and -kun when dealing with Ranma's curse.  
  
Transplantation (A strange tale in)  
  
At CalTech, one Fabrice Heng is on the campus  
  
"Ahh. Finally, that damn Architorture class 204 is DONE. Now to get back to the dorm and sleep," I said as I trudged down the cement pathway. "So Mr. Morison HAD to give 30 damn pieces of homework, eh?" I finally reached the dorm building.  
  
Meanwhile, up in the godly realms  
  
"Kami. You asked me to come?"  
  
"Yes, Fulaga. I require you to do a service for me."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"There is a person named Fabrice Heng, who is in dimension LL. He is in great need of a 'wish.'"  
  
"May I ask why you do not contact the Goddess Relief Office?"  
  
"This wish is involuntary."  
  
"Ah. What do you want me to do?"  
  
"This Fabrice is a fan of a manga called Ranma ½, which is fulminated in sub-dimension AX3. Please shift his soul over the rift, and make it so when he returns no time shall have passed."  
  
"Yes, Kami."  
  
Back down at CalTech  
  
I walked into my room and sat down at the computer, not noticing that it seemed.odd. As it whirred, I looked around at my room. Ranma ½ was still going strong, even though it was a good 15 years after the first comic came out. The last manga graphic novel had been finally translated, and with it came the not-unlike-Pokemon boom. I saw for the umpteenth time my 8 posters of it, dated before the rush, and 4 or 5 cels strewn about on the floor. I returned my attention back to the compter. It booted up alright, and I instantly logged on to the net. I went to a fanfiction website to pick up some good reading material, but I found a strange website that had these links:  
  
Link to Ranma Interface  
  
Link to Akane Interface  
  
Link to Kasumi Interface  
  
And so on and so forth. I first chose the 'Link to Akane' one. The computer gave me a prompt.  
  
  
  
Name:  
  
Pass:  
  
I filled it in with my customary name and passcode. It refused. Then, I had an idea. I filled them in with 'Akane' and 'Tendo'. I did not expect this to work, but it did. Sheesh. Security is taken for granted. I was given a standard parser OS.  
  
dir  
  
INTERFACE_EYE.exe  
  
INTERFACE_EAR.exe  
  
INTERFACE_NOSE.exe  
  
INTERFACE_MOUTH.exe  
  
INTERFACE_TOUCH.exe  
  
INTERFACE_ALL.exe  
  
HEALTH.exe  
  
LIBRARY.dll  
  
MEMORY.dll  
  
INTERFACE_EMOTION.exe  
  
COMPLETE_INTERFACE.sys  
  
info COMPLETE_INTERFACE.sys  
  
Here, it gave me hundreds of lines of unintelligible code.  
  
view COMPLETE_INTERFACE.sys  
  
It also gave me lines of unintelligible code.  
  
run COMPLETE_INTERFACE.sys  
  
Unable to run until headgear placed.  
  
I didn't stop to think but put on my cheap earphones, used for playing games. Not like I had anything to lose, this set was $3 bargain at Frys. I then retyped:  
  
run COMPLETE_INTERFACE.sys  
  
Running.  
  
Program complete.  
  
I felt a strange headrushing experience.then I blacked out.  
  
Back up in the godly realms  
  
"Kami. The preparations are complete. How long do you plan for him to stay there?"  
  
"Oh, for about a year."  
  
"May I ask, sir, why are you doing this?"  
  
"He almost qualifies for a wish, so I need to test him on this prospect."  
  
"Ah. Thank you sir." Fulaga bowed and walked out of the room. He knew that Kami's explanation was only a farce, but he did not dare show his thoughts.  
  
  
  
Well, how did you like that? Email me at (fabriceh25@hotmail.com) for comments and flames. This is only the prologue, so don't flame me for not having to do with Ranma ½. 


	2. Chapter 1

(Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Ranma ½, etc. etc. All characters are copyright of their respective owners)  
  
  
  
Author's Note: I do NOT use any Japanese to speak of, as mishmashing English and Japanese together creates a horrifying mess to the reader, who has to decipher the story. The only exception is -chan and -kun when dealing with Ranma's curse.  
  
Also, when I am not in control (You'll understand later), I speak of myself as the body I am in.  
  
"" for speech  
  
'' for my thoughts  
  
[] for thought communication  
  
Transplantation (A strange tale in)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
I awoke but did not open my eyes. Apparently, I was in a bed. Probably sleepwalked.but still in a bed. I shifted a bit and noticed my center of weight had moved. Something was definitely wrong here.I then noticed the blanket putting pressure on 2 things that were not supposed to be there.  
  
I opened my eyes and looked at myself, who at the time I was not. I quickly got up and stared at a mirror on a strangely familiar desk in a strangely familiar room. A different face stared back at me. The connection suddenly clicked.  
  
"Oh crap. I'm Akane."  
  
Just then, I 'heard' a yawn. Well, no, not heard. Thought was more like it. I then thought a voice(no, that isn't right either) in my head.  
  
[Why am I standing up?]  
  
I didn't know how to respond. Suddenly, my hand twitched.  
  
[I..I've lost control of my body! HELP!]  
  
[Uh, hi?]  
  
[WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BODY?]  
  
[How should I know?]  
  
[BAKA!] My hand attempted to hit myself on the head, but stopped within an inch of it.  
  
[Look.calm down.]  
  
[HOW CAN I BE CALM WHEN MY BODY HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER?]  
  
[Here, I'll give you control.] I didn't have the faintest idea how, but I noticed a pocket computer on the desk. I turned it on.  
  
dir  
  
HELP.txt  
  
read HELP.txt  
  
To Fabrice Heng,  
  
You have been given a test to judge whether you are viable for a wish. To give control back to the person you are inhabiting, just think about it and it will happen. This is highly recommended, as you do not know how to act out people's lives on a day-to-day basis other than your own. I will be back in a year to judge you.  
  
-Fulaga, servant of Kami  
  
I froze. Kami? I then shook my head and shut off the computer. After putting it back down, I concentrated on giving control back to Akane. Suddenly, I felt myself getting up and saying, "What the hell is going on?"  
  
[Didn't you read that letter?]  
  
"Well, yes, but.."  
  
[You're better off than me, at least. And think, don't talk.]  
  
[Like this?]  
  
[Yes. And like I was saying, I don't have the faintest clue what the hell to do, so be happy that you aren't me.]  
  
[Well.what do you think you need to do?]  
  
[I dunno, be good, spread good cheer.] Suddenly, another fact clicked. Ranma ½ had a tangled mess of characters and interactions and the characters were unhappy. If I were to make them happy, I would be judged a good person, which I already was.  
  
[I'm supposed to make you all happy.]  
  
[Yeah? How?]  
  
[For one thing, your bickering with Ranma.]  
  
[Ranma's a egotistical idiot pervert!]  
  
[You know everything besides egotistical is a lie. He cares for you.]  
  
[Yeah? How?]  
  
[Consider the incident with Saffron, the times he fought for you, all the times he never attacked you even when you attacked him.]  
  
[.]  
  
[See? Now get on with your life. I'll be here if you need conversation.]  
  
[I don't believe you with your purpose, but okay.]  
  
Akane then went through her morning routine and went down to breakfast. She forced herself into washing up with only one hand, as she obviously didn't trust me. Bleagh. Through all the fanfiction and manga I had read, this was a pretty typical morning, so I settled back. I then suddenly realized that:  
  
A)A typical morning includes:  
  
Ranma insulting Akane and  
  
Akane malleting and/or punting Ranma into the stratosphere  
  
Or possibly:  
  
Ranma would force Akane to eat her own cooking if she was cooking that day  
  
B)Letting this chain of events happen would not look good on my record.  
  
I decided to tell her bluntly. [Akane?]  
  
[Hm?]  
  
[Your cooking is crap.]  
  
[Why.YOU!] I could tell that she was fuming, but would not hit herself for obvious reasons.  
  
[You may have kept it from yourself, but your cooking IS THE AMBROSIA FROM HELL.]  
  
[Dammit, I did not wake up to have a voice in my head just to be insulted!]  
  
[You're hiding it! Do you admit, your cooking is bad?]  
  
[No!]  
  
[Ah crap. Fine. Keep eating it in 20 years and you'll push both of us into the grave early.]  
  
Akane was far past the melting point by now, but I held a certain rein by being IN her. Of course, she was in denial, but it didn't matter. It wasn't my fault that she didn't want to admit her faults, so that wouldn't go on my record.  
  
I then heard another voice that appeared to be heard by me alone.  
  
[FABRICE?]  
  
[Ah, hello?]  
  
[YES. MY NAME IS KAMI.]  
  
[Oh, so you're the sh.. I mean per.I mean god that brought me here.]  
  
[I can tell that you are frustrated. Just persevere and you will attain your goal.]  
  
[How?]  
  
[You inhabit and can control the body you're in, right? Make use of it!]  
  
And with that I heard no more from him. I did take the point though.  
  
[Note to self, make use of powers.]  
  
[Hm?]  
  
[Nothing.]  
  
Akane then settled down to eat breakfast. I (through her eyes) watched the normal fight between Genma and Ranma with interest, though Akane was bemused. She then started to wolf down her food and I got a taste of what Kasumi's cooking was like. It was pure joy, eating her cooking. I then shuddered at what Akane's cooking would taste like.  
  
"Akane?"  
  
Akane looked up. "What is it, Kasumi?"  
  
"You just flinched."  
  
"Oh, it's nothing, sis. Don't worry."  
  
[Why the hell did you shudder?]  
  
[Hey, it's not like it was my choice!]  
  
[What do you mean, no choice? BAKA!]  
  
I sighed inwardly, and retreated to bask in the glory of mentally replaying some Daguskei no Ranma (I think I spelled it right, sorry to Jeff, John, Paul, and David if I didn't) fanfics in my head. I then snapped to action. My cue was up.  
  
".sexless tomboy like you!"  
  
"RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane reached behind her to pull out her mallet, and Ranma quickly attempted to run. Normally, Akane would catch up in her fury, but I subtly slowed her down. When she did catch up:  
  
"Getting slow, aren't we?"  
  
"Why.you!"  
  
Akane malleted Ranma. Though there was no way I could have diverted her anger, I siphoned pieces of it off, weakening her blow.  
  
[Oy. This is going to be a looong day.]  
  
  
  
Well, whatdja think? R&R, and I'm posting the future teaser for this series right here.  
  
3 chapters per character I inhabit, character number unknown.  
  
Definitely a Ranma-Akane matchup, with other characters falling in place. This is a diverging series, so bleah to you.  
  
And yes, I know, this is going to be the plot of *SEVERAL* revengefics, I know it. 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Go read the ones I put up on the previous chapters, you twit.  
  
  
  
Author Note: When I am in control, I say 'I'. When my 'other' is in control, I say his or her name.  
  
Transplantation (A Strange Tale in)  
  
1 Chapter 2  
  
I slept. No, Akane didn't sleep. I just receded into the depths of her mind and relaxed, so you could say it was sleep. I had a very strange dream..  
  
(Cue the dramatic Knight-is-defeated,-vows-revenge-and-defeats-enemy music!)  
  
I paced the room and moved pieces on a board. The thing was computerized, so it sent out orders to the units (which were pieces on my board).  
  
"Lessee, Pack of wild hungry dingoes to space C7." I moved the according piece. While I was doing this, the other pieces kept shifting and moving. This was real time, after all.  
  
"Squadron of Galaxy Police, engage hungry Mind-Suckers at space KY14."  
  
"SQUADRON OF GALAXY POLICE ELIMINATED"  
  
"Shit. Heavy tank unit P12 move to engage hungry Mind-Suckers at space KY14."  
  
"MIND-SUCKERS ELIMINATED. TERRITORY INCREASED"  
  
"Zeppelin Squadron 3, counter-attack enemy Raving Otakus at space W4."  
  
"RAVING OTAKUS ELIMINATED. TERRITORY INCREASED"  
  
I smiled. Now, just to move one last piece…  
  
"Pack of wild hungry dingoes to space N99, attack Field Commander."  
  
"FIELD COMMANDER ELIMINATED. BATTLE WON"  
  
I then sat down on a chair, just as…  
  
(Cut the dramatic Knight-is-defeated,-vows-revenge-and-defeats-enemy music!)  
  
Akane walked out of the Furinkan lot, followed by Ranma, who had a red handprint on his cheek. Akane was very mad at him, for some reason (Note that I just woke up).  
  
[Yo. Akane.]  
  
[…]  
  
[Oh jeez. Don't make me…]  
  
[Do it and die.]  
  
[Okay. I choose to die.]  
  
I quickly seized control of Akane's body with little to no effort. I had learned to make the transition unnoticeable by anyone, though it was impossible when Akane was in 'uncontrollable evil blow-up-area-around-Ranma- and-100-miles' mode. This sparked some flashbacks…  
  
(Scene is at Tendo dojo, Ranma sparring Akane as usual.)  
  
"HYAA!" Akane punched at Ranma, who easily jumped over it.  
  
"Heh. Didn't even touch me."  
  
"Aaagh!" Akane fell to the floor, twitching.  
  
"Akane! Are ya allright?" Ranma leaned down.  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine." I stood up and resumed the spar.  
  
(Scene returns.)  
  
I walked back to the Tendo dojo with Akane yelling at me, though I ignored her. Kasumi cheerfully called out, "Akane? Isn't it your turn to cook?"  
  
Ranma, of course, froze. I called back, "Yes, sis. I'll be there."  
  
I walked to the kitchen. Kasumi was carefully sorting things even neater than usual, probably trying to make the future carnage a bit less destructive. "Daddy and Mr. Saotome are at a festival, and Nabiki said that she had to eat out with a friend. I have to return these books to Dr. Tofu, so I have to miss your food." She flashed some books quickly, then left the house. I sighed, then started to cook a recipe I knew from my family's old Chinese Fast-Food shop: 'Combination shrimp chow mein.'  
  
[Akane, where's the baby shrimp?]  
  
[It should be over there in the freezer box…]  
  
[Right.] I pulled out a package. [This it?]  
  
[Nope. Try that package over there.]  
  
I pulled out several more packages.  
  
[Aaagh. Why does it have to be baby shrimp? Just use jumbo shrimp!]  
  
[That is why you are a bad cook.]  
  
Akane fumed, but didn't say anything. I finally found the pack of baby shrimp, shook out some of it into a frying pan, put some vegetable oil in, and fried it. In a pot, I had already left some uncooked rice noodle to soak. I filtered out the water with my hand, then put the noodles into the frying pan. I then started to quickly dice some cabbage and carrots…  
  
(Meanwhile…)  
  
Ranma could not believe his nose. The stuff that was being cooked smelled almost like Kasumi's cooking, yet Akane was in there, cooking up some (probably) nuclear curry replete with moving oozes of undercooked miso. Yet he still could not resist his nose. The food smelled so delicious…  
  
(In the kitchen)  
  
After putting in the small amounts of cabbage and carrot in, I cranked up the gas. I used the old 'Heng family of speed cooking' technique, in other words, flipping the food quickly while tossing it in the air.  
  
[You're going to overcook the chow mein!]  
  
[You mean undercook if I stop now. It's only been cooking for 25 minutes while I need 35.]  
  
[…]  
  
(Ten minutes later)  
  
"Here's your dinner, Ranma." I laid down the combo plate and picked up a pair of chopsticks. I noticed his strange expression. Knowing what it meant, I taunted him. "Don't you want to eat? You've had nothing since school lunch."  
  
Ranma looked at Akane's hopeful expression and slowly picked up a pair of chopsticks. 'The food doesn't look or smell so bad. It isn't moving, at least. What the hell, stomach pumping is gettin' cheap anyhow.' He started to eat. His eyes closed, he slumped to the floor.  
  
[YOU'VE KILLED RANMA! How…HOW COULD YOU!]  
  
[Hey, take it easy. He's probably fainted from eating something *good* from a horrible cook like *you*.]  
  
[BAKA!] Akane kept ranting curses on and on until Ranma awoke.  
  
"Did I dream or did that taste good?"  
  
"It tasted good. Now start eating, you bottomless pit." I was already wolfing down some food.  
  
"Okay…" He resumed eating. 'Not even half-bad! Akane's getting really good. Kasumi's lessons must've paid off.'  
  
[Akane. Did you watch me cook?]  
  
[Yeah.]  
  
[THAT is how you cook. Take all precautions and you'll do fine.]  
  
[R-really?]  
  
[Yeah. Here's control.] I gave her control back and resumed sleeping. I also resumed dreaming. I missed a very interesting episode, however.  
  
Shampoo crashed through the wall, loudly proclaiming, "Nihao! Shampoo bring beef ramen to husband! Ranma no eat Akane's garbage!" She shoved some ramen into Ranma's mouth. Akane reacted predictably.  
  
"I spent all that time cooking for you and you eat THIS bimbo's cooking?!?" She malleted Ranma to the next continent.  
  
(Switch to conversation between Fulaga and Kami.)  
  
"So. How long has he been there?"  
  
"Who, sir?"  
  
"Fabrice. Our little subject."  
  
"Ah. He has been in AX3 dimension for about a week now."  
  
"You have notified him of his ability to switch bodies?"  
  
"I am sorry sir, but I haven't."  
  
"Put it on his PC. We are still judging him, after all…"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
  
  
Yep. And here are a couple more notes:  
  
The reason I have these things in tiny little chunks is because I churn these out daily to satiate you hungry evil readers. When I finish the series, I'll consolidate them into large text. And oh yes, make the prediction of 3 chapters per character to 9. Sorry.  
  
I am going to make Chapter 3 very, er, interesting, by the way, so be warned. 


	4. Chapter 3

(Disclaimer: Does anyone read these anymore?)  
  
Author Notice: Yes, I've noticed a lack of quality among my works, so I've decided to make this chapter a strange psychedelic weird piece of garbage, so work with me here.  
  
Transplantation (A Strange Tale in)  
  
Chapter 3  
  
After Akane had gone to sleep, I reinstated control and stood up. I sat upon the bed, gazing at the room that was my interim home for the past, what, 2 weeks now? I sighed and picked up my micro-computer.  
  
dir  
  
HELPFILE.txt  
  
HELPFILE1.txt  
  
HELPFILE2.txt  
  
HELPFILE3.txt  
  
HELPFILE4.txt  
  
PERSONAL.txt  
  
edit PERSONAL.txt  
  
I went and typed in my daily log. All I had put down over the days were 'Day completed successfully. Goal not attained'. I now put in more:  
  
If you don't know, back at CalTech, my roomie was some psycho new age guy who kept ranting about the new world order and dictatorship. It was bull, because I am a liberal and fascists like him deserve to rot in the sewers. Ah, what was I saying? Oh yeah. To escape those mind-rupturing rants, I stuffed some earplugs into my ears and covered my head with my pillow. I then let my mind wander, like so.  
  
What is Chess? Chess is the strategic game whereas a form of intelligence duels another form of intelligence with strategic pieces that move a particular way. What is intelligence? Intelligence is the condition whereas the victim(yes, victim) experiences logical statements. If that is correct, is it true that most people are not intelligent? Yes, as a matter of fact, most people are not intelligent.  
  
See? Then, there are events where I imagine myself in something, much like what was happening now. Yech. Having a fantasy come true isn't necessarily a good thing, myself an example. I mean, how the hell am I, a lowly college student struggling to keep his English grade above a C, supposed to play matchmaker to this couple? I am a 2nd dan martial artist, but Ranma's what, a 5th or 6th dan? Even Akane's at least a 4th dan. Gotta ask her about that. So how in the name of mind distortion can I play matchmaker?  
  
End log. That was a long thing. After a bit of reminiscing, the computer beeped. I glanced at it.  
  
dir/n  
  
SELFHELP.txt  
  
SHRINK.txt  
  
PSYCHWARD.txt  
  
Yeah, very funny Kami.  
  
view SELFHELP.txt  
  
Hey, Fabrice  
  
I read your rant and I needed to tell you something. When you go into a body, you 'inherit' all that body's innate skills, but you also retain your own skills. Note the combo chow mein episode. You have not engaged in fights yet, but be ready.  
  
-Fulaga  
  
exit  
  
That's bull. I just need to avoid the damn fights. I lay back, gave control back to the sleeping Akane, and recessed.  
  
In the morning, Akane went through the daily routine, then went downstairs. Kasumi had prepared the morning meal already, and it smelled delicious.  
  
[Hey, Akane?]  
  
[Hm. Yeah, what?]  
  
[What level dan are you?]  
  
[4th.]  
  
[And Ranma?]  
  
[Em, I think the baka is 7th.]  
  
[Bleah. I just gotta…]  
  
My thought was interrupted as two men in suits kicked the door open.  
  
[What is this? MIB?]  
  
"We are MIB agents J and K. Will Akane Tendo please answer."  
  
[Shit, I HAD to ask.]  
  
[What's MIB?]  
  
[You know...oh wait, you don't. MIB is just another American film.]  
  
[Ah. So what do I do?]  
  
[How the hell should I know? In my area, MIB don't exist! At least, I don't think so…]  
  
[Do I turn myself in?]  
  
[Whatever.]  
  
"Hey! Whattrye' doin to Akane?" Ranma leapt down the stairs and faced the two agents.  
  
"J?"  
  
"On it, K."  
  
J pulled out a large pistol and shot Ranma, throwing his body out through the house wall.  
  
"RANMA!" Akane ran out after him, J and K closely following. When we reached Ranma, who was lying near the koi pond, he looked like he was hit by a freight train, but okay.  
  
"Ms. Tendo? We shall leave."  
  
"But…"  
  
"As I said, we shall leave."  
  
They dragged Akane out the door and threw her into a limo. The limo drove off. Soun and Genma were at their shogi positions, as usual.  
  
"My daughter has been kidnapped! WAAAAAAH!"  
  
"Ranma! How dare you not protect your fiancee?"  
  
"Oh my! Did we have visitors?"  
  
At the secret (hint, Ottawa)compound  
  
"Now, alien, rise and shine."  
  
I was in control, but strapped into a chair with a lamp glaring down at me. I shifted, uncomfortably aware of the leather straps against my stomach and chest. "I told you before, I am not an alien!"  
  
"Bull. We have your brain scans from a few years ago. You do not have the brain scan of an average Caucasian American."  
  
"THAT'S BECAUSE I AM AN ASIAN JAPANESE!"  
  
"Oh. Sorry for the disturbance."  
  
The world then erupted in a large cacophony of blaring multicolored lights. It reassembled itself into the world, and I was in my dorm room.  
  
"Was that…a dream?"  
  
Just then, a large Ultralisk came in and gored my roommate. It faced me.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO…"  
  
The world imploded, then re-assembled itself. I was back in Akane's room in the middle of the night. Just to be sure, I sucker-punched myself.  
  
[OW! Why did you do that, baka?]  
  
[Eh, nothing. Go back to sleep.]  
  
I lay back, covered myself with the blanket, then slept.  
  
In the godly realm  
  
"Now, Fulaga. Was there a reason for this escapade?"  
  
"I am sorry Kami, but Urd was infested by a bug and went on a rampage. Fortunately, the damage has been repaired and Urd cleansed."  
  
"Good."  
  
  
  
Uahahahahha. Anyway, TBC and so on and so forth. And yes, I really do rant and let my imagination go wild when my roomie goes off on his fascist rant. 


	5. Chapter 4

(Disclaimer: Disclaimer)  
  
  
  
Authors Note: I am very thankful for all the compliments upon my sodden piece of trash I call a fanfic. My fanfics will be in their original form (No double spacing) up on a website soon, but when that is, I would not know. Ah, anyway, heres the fourth chapter.  
  
Transplantation (A strange tale in)  
  
Chapter 4  
  
After that very strange escapade yesterday, I decided that there was something missing in the world that was present in the Ranma ½ manga episodes. I mean, Akane, Ranma, the Tendos, they were fine, but what about Ukyou, Ryouga, Kuno? I had seen neither hide nor hair of them since I had come, but this was to be resolved very soon.  
  
"P-Chan!" Akane said as the little black piglet wandered in. My being not Akane and a bit more perceptive, instantly recognized Ryouga. I refused to do anything, because the past 4 attempts had been unsuccessful.  
  
(flashback)  
  
"P-Chan!"  
  
[Uh, Akane? That's Ryouga.]  
  
[No it isn't! You must be becoming blind.]  
  
[Dunk him in hot water. He has a Jusenkyou curse.]  
  
[That's cruel!]  
  
[Did you hear me? HE HAS A JUSENKYOU CURSE!]  
  
[Sure. And so does Nabiki.]  
  
[AAAAAAGH!]  
  
(end flashback)  
  
Apparently, some insane guy erected a SEP (Somebody Else's Problem: Read the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy series) field around P-Chan or something. Yech. I didn't do anything, and pointedly ignored the pig while Akane fawned over it. I heard some interesting stuff though, as Ranma was watching TV.  
  
"…reports of a savage white Persian cat mauling all who comes near, whether a ball of yarn or a decommissioned Abrams tank. Officials are discussing whether to bomb the docks, but are hampered by a riot by environmental activists proclaiming that the cat's life is at danger. This reporter would like to point out that it has severely wounded 17 people and less seriously injured 56 more. An armored personnel carrier, holding a squadron of Nerima Animal Control officers, is now cautiously approaching the cat, with the officers all aiming their shotgun tranquilizer cannons at the cat…THE CAT HAS SHREDDED THE CARRIER! AAAAAA-\/-=-*crackle*" Ranma stared at the now-static filled screen. He switched to another channel, which was incidentally Japanese CNN headline news.  
  
"This is a report by CNN upon the status of the Nerima docks. Apparently, a small Persian cat has annihilated 6 mobile divisions of the Nerima Animal Control, and destroyed 4 news camera crews. Our CNN reporter is there, hiding behind the crates behind the cat."  
  
"Thanks Pam. This is a war zone here. Bodies literally are strewn everywhere and the cat shows no sign of stopping it's deadly rampage. Nerima 9 News has just gotten attacked, and the carnage, well, is disgusting. The cat is now heading south, toward Greater Tokyo. Wait a minute…an American sea attack group has positioned itself to fire upon the docks…they're firing…A large section of the docks near me have been destroyed, including where the cat was…Oh my god ohmygod ohmygod it's still alive! It's in the water…going toward the ship…OH GOD THE SHIP! THE SHIP! THE SHIP IS DESTROYED! GAAAAA! It's coming toward me…*bzt*"  
  
[Uh, Akane?]  
  
[Hm?]  
  
[Don't you even CARE that a CAT is annihilating half the damn docks?]  
  
[Oh. So, you want Ranma to help, right?]  
  
[Neko-ken is a good thing, when needed.]  
  
[*sigh* allright.]  
  
"Ranma?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Don't you think that you should go help out the cops?"  
  
"Ah, it's a cat. I don't think so."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
[I tried.]  
  
[Yeah.]  
  
After a bit, I resumed control, then walked out of the Tendo dojo to the Nerima docks. I wasn't really surprised at the massive amount of carnage apparent, with bodies everywhere, smoking hulks of tanks, cars, and the ship in the distance. I then saw a cat walking toward me. I pulled out Akane's mallet and smashed it into bloody pieces.  
  
[Disgusting.]  
  
[Hey, this or watch a pyramid or corpses pile up.]  
  
I then woke up at the point where Akane was holding P-Chan. Apparently, I dozed off after hearing "Martha Stewart's How to Cook Guide" instead of "Cat Carnage 2001". Ranma stood up.  
  
"I hafta go to the Nekohanten."  
  
Akane said icily, "Why? To be with the hussy?"  
  
"No! No no no, I just need to talk to the ghoul about something."  
  
"Oh, alright."  
  
Ranma raised an eyebrow at the response. Normally, she'd have already smashed him over the head with the mallet. "Akane? Are you feeling okay?"  
  
Akane started to anger, but I quickly seized control. "Yes, I'm fine, Ranma."  
  
"Because you've been acting nicer lately, and that chow mein you cooked was good…"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Uh, yeah…"  
  
"So, what do you need to talk to the ghoul about?"  
  
"Info on Pressure Points."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Ranma left. I sat down on the couch and stared at the TV for a few minutes. I then started up a conversation.  
  
[Akane?]  
  
[What?]  
  
[You got angry at Ranma, but he was about to compliment you. Had I not seized control, you would probably have malleted him to death.]  
  
[Well, I guess…]  
  
[See? Just don't kill him whenever he insults you and you'll be fine.]  
  
[Okay. Speaking of which, you know that school starts in 2 days, right?]  
  
[School? You mean…HIGH…SCHOOL…?]  
  
[Yes, high school.]  
  
[Did I mention that I'm working for my bachelor's in Computer Programming?]  
  
[Uh…]  
  
[College.]  
  
[WHAT? How could you be…]  
  
[Bleah. I hated high, I don't want to go again, I refu-]  
  
I was cut off as a lightning bolt struck the ground outside. I walked out and into the garden. There, I found a message.  
  
Fabrice,  
  
GO TO SCHOOL!  
  
-Kami  
  
I rolled my eyes, then stamped out the message with my foot. I walked back into the living room and relaxed. I then noticed P-Chan sitting on the couch lazily.  
  
"Hey. Ryouga."  
  
"Bwee?" The piglet froze.  
  
[I told you, HE'S NOT RYOUGA!]  
  
I ignored her and picked up P-Chan. I walked up to the bathroom door and tossed the pig in. 5 minutes later…  
  
"Akane…?"  
  
I left the situation to her and sunk into a reverie. For some strange reason, I had a vision of the white Persian cat eating my dorm room, fascist roomie included. When I woke up, Akane was crying softly on her pillow in her room.  
  
[Akane?]  
  
[Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! From the second you came into my life, you've screwed it up!]  
  
[Dammit! All I did was show you the things you hid from yourself! Bad cooking, lack of perception,-]  
  
[DAMN YOU! SHUT UP!!!!!]  
  
At this, I had the sense to stop. I couldn't understand her. I mentally sighed, and resolved to fix the situation.  
  
Deep at night, after Akane had cried herself to sleep and the other eavesdroppers had left, I quietly took control. I grabbed the computer off the desk, then lay down on the bed.  
  
dir  
  
UPLINK.exe  
  
OLDFILES.exe  
  
UPLINK.exe  
  
Running Program………  
  
Program complete.  
  
I felt the old headrushing sensation, and blacked out.  
  
(In the godly realms)  
  
"Fulaga. Report."  
  
"Fabrice is making very good progress on Akane, but at a cost to her self-reliance. She is now a mental wreck."  
  
"Ugh. At least she will recover."  
  
"True. Where is Fabrice now?"  
  
"He has used the program I uploaded to his computer from Yggdrasil. He is in his home dimension."  
  
"Surely.."  
  
"No, no Kami. He can come back. I deemed it wise that he have some resting time. After all, it is his first time he went through this ordeal."  
  
"True. Excellent work, Fulaga.  
  
(In the long-lost Caltech dorm room)  
  
I woke up to the sound of the computer beeping. Apparently, it was mad because I didn't use it for X amount of time. I glanced at the wall clock, which, unsuprisingly, was a Ranma ½ one. "No time pass? Huh." I shut down the computer, then climbed into my bed and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.  
  
  
  
I know, a bit darker, but I felt this was needed. At least the 'insane cat' episode was good for a laugh. TBC. 


End file.
